Lisa's story written by Regina 

 Written around 1999

One endless road. One white line that is going nowhere and she is on that. To nowehere....in an old car, a Dodge Dart, with only one door intact (luckily on her side) she drives on that line.

No one in sight for hours now. The car she drives in, is old and makes it's last miles. In the city she took the Dodge from a breaking yard and left the city. Only one headlight works, and the motor...nothing else. The car has lost it's color long ago.She leaves the big city in hope for something better. Living on the street is breaking her, especially when her best friend, her only friend died ; one overdose too many.  She left him with the needle still in his arm, took this car and left. leaving the city lights with all the troubles, the junks, the hookers and crime. She hopes for something better for her. But is there something for her? She doesn't expect anything from life. Only a place in life but will she find that?

Dark clouds are on the horizon and she drives to the darkness.

Feeling so lonely and desolated her whole life full of pain, foster parents, never a home, crime and drugs created a big black hole inside of her, and now she is desperate looking for her saving before she is lost forever, before there is nothing more, nothing left. Well, happiness couldn’t found her so she want to try happiness herself before its to late.

And now she is driving and doesn't know where to go, but no not back. Never go back. She is not a best driver but she can handle the car well. It is as if she is alone on this world, on this road. There is nothing to see, no houses, no trees, only a horizon that never seems to reach her.

Its cold in the Dodge. She drives with one cold hand, the other tries to get warm in her coat. An old cap on her head and the only clothes she has are the ones she wears: worn out, old clothes. She has no money left. The last money she had was yesterday and she bought food for that. She is hungry but that feeling she knows her whole life.

Seeing the horizon line she can hardly think and when she does is about him; Tom, her only and dead friend, leaving her where she is now. He was taking care of her, give what he could but one shot killed that. In a rush she left and now she is here. Where?

The sky is dark now and it's as if something pulls a string above cause the next thing is rain, rain and rain. The screen wipers are not working and she doesn't see anything.

Her reaction is too late and the next thing she knows she bumped into something she didn’t see. The car stands still and dizzy she wants to start the car again but the car won't start now. It’s dead. She tries and tries. Nothing. The rain falls and its as if she is locked up in the rain. Laying her head on the steering wheel she waits a while until the rain stops. Did she sleep? She doesn't know.

In the middle of the night some sound is awakening her. At first she doesn't remember where she is and then it all comes back. It's really dark and she tries the light but it doesn’t work. It can’t be half past seven, she thinks and turns around to get more sleep, then she heares that sound again. Something is on the porch!

And she didn’t lock the door! Scared she wants to sleep again to forget, but fear has joined her and sleep is gone. Again there is that sound as if someone is walking there. She freezes, trying to see anything but it’s too dark for that. What must she do?

She tries to get the light on but still it refuses. They really should fix the battery arregater.   Lisa went very slow and frightened out of her bed and reach for the candles she left on the table. But she cant feel matches to lit them. And she doesn't dare to get outside 'cause who it is that is outside, makes a lot of noise and doesn't hide his presence. What can she do? Yell? Nobody will hear her. Run for the restaurant? She doesn't dare to go outside.

So she is sitting in the chair with the poke in her hand and also wrapped a blanket, she took from the bed, around her to protect her against the cold. Every sound around her frightens her and for the rest of the night she cant sleep.

The next morning Kate finds her sleeping with the blanket still wrapped around her, the poke laying on the floor. She wakes her up and Lisa frightens up. ,,Someone was here.” Kate doesn't understand her. ,,What do you mean?” ,,Someone was trying to get in here.” Kate sits down. ,,You probably heard a animal.”

,,A wolf or a bear.” Lisa stands up. Every shadow is not scary anymore. In the daylight everything is friendly again. ,,No, here are no wolves or bears. Maybe a rabbit or a raccoon.” The big fear Lisa had has a little name, given by Kate.

But in the night everything seems so real. Yes she wasn’t used to the nature. All her life she was in the city and that was never silent. The city doesn’t sleep. It has it's own sounds; people, cars, music and sirens but here the night is silent and every sound is so weird and frightened when you are not used to that.

Lisa sees her cabin when Kate is driving away and the trees are friendly in the early sunrise and again she feels almost peaceful while Kate is driving to the restaurant. The little town is waking up. Some people are walking on the street, waving to Kate’s truck and Lisa feels so silly about her stupid fear of some unrecognizable sounds.

After her breakfast the fear of the night is almost disappeared and Lisa start to clean the rooms upstairs. It’s not easy for her. Much time she spend on one room and then she must hurry to get the rest done. Sometimes she looks out of the window and see cars or a truck on the road. Many cars stops by the restaurant.

When it's ten o’clock Kate is bringing her coffee with cake and then Lisa is moving to the kitchen. George is there already, unloading Kate’s car and sometimes bring food to the restaurant.

Without Kate’s present in the kitchen, working with George isn’t easy. Lisa is sure George doesn’t like her and in her eyes she must do stupid things. She hoped that she was going to cook but she must clean things and George  doesn't let her near food. When the clock tells Lisa that it’s one o’clock she is really happy to leave George and with a breef goodbye she go outside and decided to go to Rose.

It’s cold outside and in a hurry she walks to the mercantile, but she sees that someone else is standing behind the counter when she enters the shop. Dark eyes in a dark face makes that she hesitate ask for Rose. A bright smile shows her the way upstairs, enter an almost hidden door behind the counter. Even the stairs are decorated with paintings and books and little lights that makes the stairs almost magical. In a dark corner there is a chair and a black cat is sleeping there when Lisa passes by.

She knocks on a door and enters a very big room. Surprised Lisa stands astonished and looks around. A Soft classical music and a very sweet smell fills the room that is also full of paintings, sculptures, books, big chairs, many photo’s of people from other places and she finds poetry everywhere and she swear that every color is in this room.

Rose looked up from behind an easel and now she wears a yellow orange dress. With a warm welcome she let Lisa feel beloved. While Rose makes a pot of tea Lisa is sitting on a couch next to another sleeping cat wich looked up to her for a few moments to her and continue the sleeping. But when Rose is sitting with the tea the sleeping cat wakes up and choose to sit on Rose’s lap enjoying the strokes Rose is giving and the purring fills the air. It’s been quiet a while since Lisa finds a rare peace feeling in that. She looks around and drinks her tea and enjoy Rose’s place.

Then she talked about the problems she have with George and that she couldn’t sleep in the cabin at night. She opens her heart to this special old lady and tells her everything. Then again silence followed and Rose nodded and start talking ,,George’s life is the kitchen. He lives in it. He is a wonderful cook and when you taste his food you taste his heart. And suddenly you came on his crown property. What would you do if you were George? My advise is; be honest to him, try to get him on your side in a good way, do everything with a smile and give him some space.

And you are frightened in the night? Mmm you’re a city girl. What are you afraid of? Someone who comes at night to kill you? That has never happened here. Killed by an animal? Its now 8... no 7 years ago we lost Bob. He went hunting and he fell off a hill and broke his neck. That’s it. We have wild animals here but they never come that close to this place. So why are you frightened? If you still are you can take a dog but you must take care of the dog also; giving him food and walk with him. So think about it. I know Ted have a few dogs, you could take a look there if you want.”

Lisa must think about the words Rose gave her, and Rose let her. After a few moments Rose stands up and starts painting again. Not long after that Lisa joins her. She looks at what Rose's doing and it effects her also. Apparent Rose sees that and looks at Lisa. Then she places an empty canvas on another easel and gives her paint and brushes and with a smile she said ,,paint.”

With big eyes Lisa looks at the empty canvas and to Rose and try also listen to her creative part in her that is such a chaos. Hesitated she tries to come up with a good idea but nothing is coming up. Rose let her be, said nothing and she smiles when she sees that the peaceful sphere does something with her. She wants to see what Lisa is painting but she suggest the feeling to only watch her.

Lisa’s actions and expressions on her face is much fun to watch. Then when the music stopped and silence fill the room Lisa also stops and looks at Rose. ,,It’s not finished yet but may resume tomorrow?" ,,Yes of course.” Rose went to the painting and sees that Lisa has painted a woman’s face who looks like Lisa. She smiles and recognised talent. ,,But I have another idea. You can borrow the easel and paint and brushes so you can work at home. When this is dry we can also move this to your home but first let me give you also this empty canvas.” Heavenly surprised and with tears in her eyes Lisa looks at Rose. ,,Really, thank you. It’s the nicest thing someone did it for me.” Poor child, Rose thinks. She hugs her before she gather the necessary things for her paintjob.

With a hesitate Lisa asked ,,how can I get these things to my home? And how about the dog?” Rose sees her fear of the night. ,,Jimmy can help you with that. Pick some things and walk with me.” She leaves the room and Lisa  takes the empty canvas and the brushes with her and follow her walking down the beautiful stairs. Below Rose talks to Jimmy who is filling an empty shell and he nodded and point to an old bumped and little truck and said to Lisa; ,,put that in there. Its not locked.” Lisa hugs the old lady a little bit clumsy 'cause she is not used to that and went to the truck and very soon Jimmy follows her with the rest of the things.

He starts the car and follow the road, leaving Rose’s place behind. Lisa was never on this side of the town and she looks very curious outside the window. She sees more houses, sometimes a farm and then the houses make room for meadows and trees and the empty horizon she remembers from her drive. Now it’s frightening her...all that space, the nothing.

Lucky enough Jimmy turned right into a small sand path that brings them to a farm. The barking of some dogs are  welcoming them and an old man with white long hair in a ponytail and a white beard shows up and walks to Jimmy, giving him a welcome. Lisa steps out of the car and look at the dogs who are sniffing to Jimmy and the car and then to her but she ignored the dogs, looking to Jimmy who walked with the man upto the house. ,,Lisa come.” Jimmy calls her when they almost reach the door. Lisa follows and finally inside the man turns to Lisa and shakes powerful her hand. His eyes are heavenly blue. ,,I am Ted Brown. You want a dog?” ,,Yes, I am Lisa.” In the corner of an thrifty furnitured room, a black Shepherd is lying there on an old couch and is looking to Ted with devotion in his eyes. ,,This is Forest. A four year old dog. She don’t give much problems.” Suddenly Lisa is afraid that Ted ask money 'cause she doesn't have any. She looks to the dog who is very big and has black in her eyes and she can’t image they would be friends. But she feels save 'cause the dog looks frighten enough to scare people. ,,I take her but ohh I don’t have any food for her” she realised that suddenly. ,,Don’t worry about that. Forest eats everything and I give you some dog food. Take good care of him.” Ted put the dog to the lead and gives that to her. And now Lisa is an dog owner but before she is used to that Forest stands up and pulls to the lead and Lisa, not used to the dogs power, let the dog lead go. Jimmy takes it before Forest gets the chance to walk away. ,,Thank you.” Lisa said. Then Jimmy gives the dog lead to her. She holds her grip when they follow Ted who puts dog food into Jimmy’s car and they leave with Forrest on the front couch. Lisa feels so stupid cause she didn’t say thank you to Ted. But Jimmy did that already for her and they drove away to the living world.

,,You are the person that brought my car to Kate?” She turns to Jimmy, ignoring the whimper sounds Forest make. ,,Yes.” Jimmy takes the short cut, Lisa noticed. ,,Can you help me fix the car?” Jimmy looks at her for a short moment and after a few seconds he nodded. ,,I will give it a try but your car is asking money for repair. I must order some parts and you must help me. I also ask a little money for my time. You can pay me or you can help Rose in the shop when I am repairing your car. We can talk about it, later.” It sounds reasonable for Lisa and she agrees. ,,Okay. Maybe you soon can order the parts my car needs.”

Jimmy is driving the car into the woods and sometimes his old truck shakes because of the holes in the old road. ,,I let you know when I know what you need and how much it costs.” Lisa tries to ignore Forest when she looks to Jimmy. ,,Thank you.” Now these words are easy for her.

Jimmy stops almost in front of her cabin and helped her unload the car with the paint stuff she got from Rose and  drives away when Lisa enters her cabin she also commanded Forest inside. She gives it water which he drinks with a lot of noise. She free it from the lead and gives the easel a good, central place in her little home. Then she sits down and looks at the dog who is sniffing through her home. And then she realised she has her own dog. In her life she never took care of something and suddenly she has her own dog. Deep inside her she is afraid of the care and yes; also of the dog. It looks so big, it could kill her but all Forest is doing is lay in front of the door. And then she feels peaceful to have a dog, feels a little love inside her. It’s strange to have a companion and just before the night comes she walks with Forest who is easily following her. When she calls him, she strokes it a little insecure but it gives her a peaceful feeling.

That night she slept very well. Sometimes she heared sounds but Forest shows no fear and sleeps with her on the bed. It's presence gives her safety.

The next day. Before she goes to work she walks with Forest, give him food and lock him up in the cabin. She hurries to the restaurant, knowing she is late and have to work hard. This time she doesn't help George in the kitchen. She hardly sees Kate and George, thinking of her life and this little place. When it's time to go, she left the restaurant and hurry back to her place. She finds Forest sleeping on her bed, and she took him again for a long walk discovering the woods, seeing magical places and enjoying the fresh smell. Luckily she finds her way home. In her heart she was afraid she got lost but she finds her cabin without much problems. There she turns on the radio again and try to paint but somehow she doesn't really want to do that. She wants to visit Rose but she don’t want to force herself to Rose. Going to the restaurant to play some pool? Somehow she doesn't dare to go there. She feels so alone.

Sitting in the chair, looking at the sleeping Forest she feels so empty. She has a home now but now she don’t feel that she fits in that. She can’t relax, she is missing the action, the people. She turns off the radio cause the music is bothering her but the silence is even more heavy, so she escapes her home. Leaving Forest she walks undecided to the village, she sees the houses and the people in it and suddenly feeling so jealous 'cause they have someone. She misses Tom so much now. Would he like to walk next to her? She realise she don’t know much about him. The church, empty and lost, surrounded by graves, some crooked and some broke is calling her and she walks up to the graves, reading the lines;…..my beloved wife Sarah……rest in peace Eddie……and while she is reading and walking she feels even more sad so in a hurry she leaves the graveyard. A women who passes her by, greets her and she greets back. When she arrives on the main street and sees the store of Rose she hesitates. What should she do? A huge truck she sees at the end of the street and hasty she walks back, she doesn't want to be spotted by Rob. Feeling lonely she walks back to her cabin and makes a little fire, and drinking some coffee. Staring in the fire that is already dieing she feels her tears running. Suddenly a knock on the door. Forest starts to bark and Lisa gets frightnend. She wipes off her tears and yells; who is it?”

,,It’s me Rob.” Strange she didn’t hear a truck. ,,Coming.” Lisa hopes that he doesn't see that she was crying. She opens the door and Forest at once jumped towards Rob. He is not afraid of the dog, welcomes Forest, and Lisa sees he is better with dogs than she is because Forest listens to him. ,,would you like to join us in the restaurant?” Lisa wants to but she doesn't show that. ,,Where is your truck?” she ask to buy more time. ,,At the parking place. I can’t get out here if I drive to your house. My truck is too heavy. Would you like to come with me to the restaurant?” ,,I can’t leave Forest.” ,,Then we take him with us.” The fact that Rob especially came to get her and doesn’t ask her about her crying face makes Lisa want to go. ,,Okay.” Lisa is getting her coat and joins Rob who let Forest walk next to him.

They walk to the restaurant and Lisa feels very comfortable when she walkes with Rob. He makes her feel good and she loves that feeling. They don’t talk but that’s all right 'cause she enjoys the walk with him and it’s as if she noticed how lovely the path is, almost magical. Rob’s truck is standing in front of the parking place. Lisa looks at it and admire the great size the truck has. If she only could drive it. Inside she spotted JP and Kate laughing and talking at the bar. The music is playing loud country songs and Lisa feels at home here. They walked up to the bar and Lisa enjoys the funny stories JP and Rob are telling. They eat, laugh and Forest lies at Lisa’s feet.

The next day Kate’s Place is almost empty. There are no visitors and even George has his day off. Kate spend her time behind the bar, reading newspapers and hardly noticed Lisa. Lisa works upstairs but she doesn't clean much. She walks through the rooms and look outside where it’s raining. Now Kate’s Place looks so decay and ugly. The only thing Lisa can think of is to travel again. But her car is still broke. She decided to get soon to Jimmy and want to ask him if he could fix her car very soon.

The road is empty and the lights on the parking place looks so poor. Rob and JP are gone and it seems to her they took away the sociability. Lisa walks through the hall and suddenly sees that the door to Kate’s rooms is open. There is no sign from Kate herself so Lisa walks in and take a curious look inside. A huge desk is standing in the corner and on that desk she sees a lot of money that Kate was counting. With a shaky feeling Lisa gets the money and wild ideas to leave in a stolen car is running through her mind. She hides the money in her jeans and walks very silent through the hall. There is no one in sight so Lisa walks silently to the restaurant, sees Kate at the bar on the phone and she is almost crying, and Lisa leaves through the kitchen. Her heartbeat runs fast. At the door she stands still and try to force her heart to cool down. She resist the impulse to count the money she has stolen. Her fingers are shaking and she feels so bad. And why is Kate crying? She runs into the forest, pass her old Dodge and look behind. No one is coming after her. No one noticed that she stole the money.

But she feels so quilty, remembering how nice Kate was to her and the laughing of Rob and the peace Rose gives her. But on the other side, this is the change to get out, to find a place under the sun. And for that she needs a car. She looks at Kate’s car. Another chance so she runs to Kate’s Buick. And yes the keys are in the lock. What a luck. But Lisa looks at Kate’s Place. It’s still raining and she thinks about the image of Kate at the phone.

On the road Rob’s truck is coming. She looks at the road and again her heart is knocking so loud that she thinks everyone must hear that. Slowly the truck drives to the parking place and feeling so heavy Lisa walks inside and goes to the bar where Kate is looking outside, she has stopped crying but her eyes look so sad. Lisa can’t watch her. She lays all the money on the bar saying “I am sorry” and leaves when Rob enters the restaurant.

Despite the rain Lisa walks to her dodge and sits in it. Her eyes are filling with tears. What a fool she is, stealing from people who wants to help her. What must they be thinking? How will they talk? 'Its time to leave' she decides but she stays in the car, do nothing and staring in the rain.

She frightens up from the lost within her when Kate gets in the car. Kate first says nothing. She only pulls the blanket she wears closer to her. And Lisa knows why 'cause its cold at that side of the car. There is no door in it.

She cant hardly look at Kate. First there is a silence. Only the rain is breaking the silence between these two woman. Then Kate turns to Lisa and grab her hand, holding it. That gives Lisa courage and she look up to her, seeing that the age is showing; the grey lines in her hair, the wrinkles but also the clear eyes resting to her.

,,You know. When I took you in I knew you where looking for a home” Kate softly speaks. ,,I also knew it wasn’t easy for both of us. I offer you a chance and you took it. You have that chance still in your hands because you are honest.”

,,But please don’t tempt me with the money again.” Lisa is afraid that she cant resist the second time. ,,You pass it again.” Kate is striking her hair. And Lisa is melting. ,,Why didn’t you send me away?” Kate smiles. ,,Because when you walked in the restaurant that was the moment I met myself in the past. My life  wasn’t easy eighter and sometimes still isn’t. I was a runaway, always looking for trouble, being pregnant when I was still a child, stealing, dealing, fighting and being hurt inside, hurting other people. Name it and that describes me. Then I met my husband and he shows a world that became my home. My husband has died for 3 years now. He and Rob where close friends and Rob and I became close friends. It was Rob who gives me this restaurant. It's not a beautiful place but it's a home and the people around here are nice and not judging. I have friends now, and a home so I am rich. Life has taken much but gave me a home and friends and love. I am grateful of that. My rolling days are over.  And now it’s up to you. It’s not easy but its worth fighting for.” And with these words she leaves Lisa in the dodge in the rain. Lisa closes her eyes and cry.

Again she thinks of her death friend Tom who never found his home. She looks at the restaurant and leave the car, walks through the rain to her cabin. She let Forest out for a walk, took a shower and makes a fire and feels the whole time that special feeling inside. With the radio playing country music she sits infront of the fire and sometimes a tear is running down the cheek. Sometimes she taste the salt and think about the words Kate spoke to her.

Yeah she will stay here a bit longer to learn more about life, to follow her destiny and she feels that she found friends who care about her. Grateful she feeds the fire and cherish the warmth of it. It almost fill the black space in her.

The next day Lisa is working hard to make up for her mistakes and to get Kate’s mercy. When she is upstairs, working alone everything is smoothly but after a break when she is working in the kitchen she feels that she is in the way with George. Everything she does for him goes wrong. She breaks glasses, dropped food on the floor by accident and when George is yelling at her, she cracks up and runs away. She bump into Kate and Kate holds her. ,,Wait, what’s wrong here?” She sees the mess George already cleans. ,,Ah I see. Sit down Lisa and you too George. I think we better talk about this.” George wants to say something but Kate looks at him very warned and till Lisa’s surprise George sit down. With a hesitate Lisa follows and Kate is leaning at the table looking at both in front of her.

,,This is not going to work well. George, a while ago you ask for help in the kitchen. You have one now and she is not allowed to help you. And Lisa, I think you try too hard. Please play it cool. You both have to find a way to work together and I suggest you do that from now on. Make a pie together.” With these words Kate leaves and there is a silence in the kitchen. George cleans the mess and looks at Lisa. ,,Kate means that” he said. Lisa nodded. George starts to get the things they need. ,,Let me teach you how to make a pie. Can you get the apples for me?” At first they start slowly but after tasting there is more smiling and a new start of a friendship. Behind the bar Kate smiles when she heared the laughter of George and Lisa.

With a deep concentration Lisa works at her paintings. Most of the time she struggles to get the painting right. She is surrounded with paint, sketches, mostly hasty trying on papers and a few on canvas. The woman’s face she has made is ready but around the face she paints a cabin, a tree and people standing there. It's hard to paint the natural change over from hair to the cabin or the people. She spend much time to get the right colours. She paints the flowers she loves but the people figures are difficult for her to paint. Finally she stopped and tired she looks at the painting from a distance. She sees mistakes but also the good of the painting. And she can’t help it to be proud of what she had made.

It’s busy at the restaurant and Kate and George are working hard. Lisa cleans the rooms and suddenly she sees Jimmy by her car. Lisa suddenly realized that the car looks so poor, so broke. The dodge is still important to her 'cause the car is still a ticket to leave, to escape. She looks at Jimmy and what he is doing. First she wants to walk to him, to help or hear what’s wrong with the car and offer him coffee but she doesn’t do that. Instead she continued cleaning, from time to time checking if he is still there and 'yes' he is. After a few hours she goes downstairs and Kate gives her a piece paper saying; ,,Jimmy was here for your car. He wrote this down.” Kate leaves and Lisa looked a bit afraid, reading fast what he wrote:

Your car needs 2 new tires, oil, right door, a start engine, new motor parts and there is also a lot of weld. In fact it cost too many to fix it. I suggest you buy another car. I can help you if you want that. It’s a shock to Lisa but she was afraid of this.

Lisa works hard in Roses store. She hears Rose talking while she cleanes the store. She sorted things out and give them a better place if she can, cleans the windows and loves to stay in the store where she finds so much different kind of things. And hiding herself from the people in the village. She loves to be in the background. When Rose closes the store Lisa goes upstairs and she drinks tea with her, enjoying to be there with Rose. The cat is sleeping and inside Lisa feels so much peace 'cause she is once again in the magical, loving place of Rose.

With regret Lisa leaves the place and slowly she walks to her home. The whole day she was busy and now she feels tired. Forest is glad to see her and they walk a bit in the woods. Lisa gives him food and with the dog outside she sits on the veranda and have something to eat. She feels really tired now but she feels also satisfaction. Slowly she gets also the feeling that she is at home here. She found friends here and it’s a unknown but welcome feeling she experienced.  Forest joins her and Lisa strokes the fur.

Lisa counts the money Kate give her earlier. Its not much but its her honest earned money and that makes it much more valuable. Most of the money she hides inside the cabin 'cause she will save it for a new car. Jimmy had tow the old Dodge to his place. Her eye catch the painting and she starts slowly to paint again. Under the face she draws a road and a car on that.